"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "Men are from. After that, they dont wanna know about you. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. This cookie is used for advertising, site analytics, and other operations. It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! George Carlin: 'Politicians don't actually say things, they INDICATE Maybe this time itll work. Because you have the illusion of choice. ", 60. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. George Carlin: Dumb Americans (2006) - Full Transcript "How is it possible to have a civil war? 'He's two' will do just fine. "Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. ", 98. This cookie, set by DataXu, tracks the advertisement report which helps to improve the marketing activity. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. It's so f**kin' heroic. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. "When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. (LogOut/ In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Everybody says they suck. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". Amen and Awomen. They've got the judges in their back pockets. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. ", 5. '", 123. ", 81. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. They dont give a fuck about you. Everybody complains about politicians. They will do anything for the unborn. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. Where did George Carlin fit on the political spectrum? : r/Standup - reddit Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. [5] And another one: I don't like cats. After that, they don't want to know about you. 'American Dream' documentary examines George Carlin's triumphs - NPR They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. ", 7. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Obedience, respect for authority. Carlin was known for keeping things real, and his funny jokes were sure to get a laugh out of anyone. Ice Cube Shares George Carlin Quote About Politicians: 'They Own You' December 2, 2015, 3:27 PM. George Carlin : Designed to scare and control primitive people. I like people who buck the system. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president would have particularly peeved him. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. GEORGE CARLIN | They Don't Care About You - YouTube ", 91. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. George Carlin Nailed Conservative Hypocrisy On Abortion More - HuffPost Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. That's about as close as you could get to pegging him as any party affiliation. ", 120. ", 74. ", 64. I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". Broadly speaking. Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. I don't have to tell you my favorite comedian just like I don't have to say my favorite meal to tell the chef his food sucks. That doesnt help them. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. Provided by amazon-adsystem to make advertising messages more relevant to the users and their interests. "In America, anyone can become president. "Forget the politicians. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. ""You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. Yeah, the public sucks. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. ", 48. ' Avoid teams at all costs. "It's important in life if you don't give a s**t. It can help you a lot. ", 6. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. ", 115. Teach them to question everything. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. "People are fucking nuts. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Whitney Webb on the Globalist Overlords Meeting in Davos 60+ Hilarious George Carlin Quotes and Jokes | Thought Catalog ", 31. Its you. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. ", 76. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. Juno3127 10 years ago You couldn't be more wrong. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. ", 59. George Carlin Quotes On . George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. This cookie is set by Facebook to display advertisements when either on Facebook or on a digital platform powered by Facebook advertising, after visiting the website. "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. Thats right. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. Trump did not fall to Earth from. RIP George Carlin. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? ", 89. 100 George Carlin Funny Quotes On Religion, Stupid People ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Occupy Wall Street activist completely SLAMS FOX News | An unaired interviewfootage, Brand spanking new memes of Bernie Sanders at theInauguration, Bernie Sanders as Grogu (Baby Yoda) from TheMandalorian, The best of Bernie Sanders memes from BidensInauguration, Obama was better at everything Video comparison Obama vstrump, Lindsey Graham states that African Americans can go anywhere in SC as long as theyre conservative, The best description of trump Ive seenyet, Woman with Fake Boobs Larger than Watermelons - Seriously, she's a Z-cup, Houston TX Officer on Trial for Stealing Food from Fridge, The Princeton Random Generator that "predicted" 9/11, The Top 20 Things You Can Say to Irritate a Republican, Popular Toys and Games from the 1970s and 1980s, The Return of Debtors' Prisons - SLUniverse Forums. This cookie is used for email services. You're down to seven. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. ", 28. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. And Bushis pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. I took his shoes. Trouble is, most of them suck. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. (LogOut/ What if I want to have a crappy day? No nothing! It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Theyre not interested in that. "I don't have pet peeves. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. Its a big club and you aint in it. Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life - Succeed Feed They own, and control the corporation. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. "Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice? He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. September 12, 2019. Change). These days, 'Trajedi. George Carlin's 'American Dream' Bit Has Prompted #AmericaWakeUp They own you. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. They will do anything for the unborn. It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. You have OWNERS! You dont. As politicians and social media commentators weighed in on . Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. The table has tilted, folks. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. On June 24, 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a women's constitutional right to an abortion in the country. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. They dont want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly theyre getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fuckin years ago. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? "People are wonderful one at a time. ", 92. Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. He is famous for being named the 'The Dean of Counterculture Comedians.' His dark humor penetrates different issues of life, religion, language, and class. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. They own everything. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. ", 17. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. But dont participate; it will be your death. Thats what the owners count on. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. ", 72. "I put a dollar in a change machine. He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. ", 24. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . They should be more vivid. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. ", 41. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! Toothpicks? "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ", 50. You have owners. From Life Is Worth Losing. ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. The uuid2 cookie is set by AppNexus and records information that helps in differentiating between devices and browsers. The game is rigged. A cat's "meow" can be a "woof" for him. 44. And I didn't really care in the first place. Am I right? ", 9. George Carlin on Being Arrested for Performing "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" Johnny Carson 325K views 3 months ago George Carlin - Stand Up About Religion Matti Holden 13M. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. "The planet is fine. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. Its part of that showoff and dropout syndrome. [] I look at war a little bit differently. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. They are irrelevant. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: [email protected] #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. This cookie is used for identifying the geographical location by country of the user. ", 8. They dont wanna hear from you. You don't. You have no choice. Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". How do school teachers handle this? "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. Others see it half empty. 125 George Carlin Quotes to Make You Laugh, Smile and Think No nothing. AddThis sets this cookie to track page visits, sources of traffic and share counts. They don't want to hear from you. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. ", 100. They own all the important land. "Don't give your money to the church. ", 56. I'm used to dogs. ", 36. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . ", 22. ", 34. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and not theyre coming for your Social Security money. ", 52. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. "It helps to remember this.. You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. ", 97. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' This cookie is set by the BlueConic. Like the public. ", 114. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. 60 George Carlin Quotes to Help You Find Humor in Life - Quote Ambition 3. Everyone Practices Cancel Culture | Opinion, Deplatforming Free Speech is Dangerous | Opinion. They own you. ", 109. Its because volunteers work for no pay. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. This cookie expires after 30 minutes but the timer is reset if the visitor visits a new page on the site before the cookie expires. News about Volusia County Florida (and more) on Twitter: "RT Its you. But He loves you. Then you live in an old age home. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! ", 124. ", 3. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. 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