There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! So, you read the letter and all of the replies and what you got out of it is that a guy got a girl preganant who he doesnt want to be with his entire life and everyone responding considers him a jackass because of that? Even if shes a lunatic psycho who got pregs on purpose, you have no one to blame but your boyfriend. Nope, none of it matters. It only says he asked her to. Unwanted or not, they are innocent in this whole mess that your boyfriend and his whatever-she-is created. We judge what people wear (what on earth was she thinking?? Let him go. This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. He didnt give you another child. I think your maturity should absolutely, completely be judged against how you react when life throws you unexpected thingslike an unplanned pregnancy. Hey, honey, I thought you had control over your bodies? She trapped him? Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. Trap Red Flag #1. Chuck Pelto I mean, seriously. Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? I think that is fair. Its none of your business. IMO there are probably better ways to deal w/ the more egregious incidents of paternity fraud. These people are the REAL zombies.. landygirl I know, right? Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark That should have been the end of it. In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. We started dateing again and have been for about 3 months and we have plans to save money and get an apartment. Take this as a lesson learned. If you were having a good communication way with him before, you can found out that he got another girl pregnant before you were dating. I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. She says she thinks shed like to keep it. I attempt to avoid name calling, but if you have a problem with one person ASKING another person to do or not do ANYTHING, you are a poor excuse for an adult! Thanks for noticing, though. Dont force him to be. lets_be_honest Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. Wow, thank you so much Lili. I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. But, it would have reduced the chances. Cant say Id give one to a stranger but intercourse with a stranger isnt my cup of tea either. Jess of CGW No. And you dont sound much better. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". Heres a thought experiment for you: I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. I cant even write anymore, my brain hurts. female So the system is very one sided. He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. April 10, 2012, 6:56 pm. She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. Dont choose to roll those dice if you cant cope with all of the possible outcomes. Francine Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. These are not discussions about angels dancing on the head of a pin there is a child that needs financial support during his/her life. Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. I came back to re-read because I was worried my reply would be disjointed and confusing (I wrote it tired last night, with a fever), so Im glad that while its not going to win any literary award, it wasnt totally nonsensical! It takes two to make a baby. Also, HUGE RED FLAG. Chuck Pelto You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. But it is a dickish move to get someone pregnant and then decide youre not going to be involved in that childs life. I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH*Hylton's family vlog - https://youtu.be/pV11uGFaESsItz The Taylor's - https://youtu.be/8hVLcR1kvrsSUBSCRI. unfortunately, ive seen more than one person take pills the wrong way (whether it be because they forget, dont take it at exactly the same time, dont pay attention to warnings about drug interactions, etc). He didnt want a baby? Its not a complex procedure. At some point you have to recognize your own self-worth and value, otherwise you will keep allowing him and others to walk all over you. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. Roe v. Wade merely established that abortion is a privacy issues and that a womans right to choose what is done with her body takes precedent over the rights of a state to prevent abortion. Medications interfere with birth control, not taking it at the same time and whole other host of reason why she could have legitimately gotten pregnant on birth control. You sure arent one. The time prior to conception is the only time this can be anything close to fair. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. He is doing alot better. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. Unless Im sure the guy will make it worth my while, Im not going to do it. Personally, I think they should be given a one-time option to opt-out if the woman wants to keep the child and the man doesnt. Susie is pregnant with Jimmys child. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . Lots of it. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? And _JSW_, if youre reading this too, thanks for an interesting evening. lets_be_honest Nothing about that makes him a bad person. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. I still think the guy is an irresponsible dick, and the LW is acting like a brat, but I dont want to make any assumptions about his activities post the LW when we actually have zero information about it. Nope. When I was on the pill, my ex boyfriend STILL used condoms to make sure it was safe. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. Sue Jones Why he is scum but a woman who opts for an abortion or adoption isnt its beyond me. You sound awfully bitter to me. Youre wrong. . He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. They talk, hed says hed rather not have a kid and would like her to get an abortion. Does that change your opinion? While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! Inc. Lee's Summit MO. The states dont advertise this. If you dont want a baby use birth control. Two. We judge people all the time where our judgment has absolutely no effect on the outcome, we arent participants in the issue and no one gives a crap what we think. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. .. but what if she did deceive him? But thats a crime?. Dont engage in the action. female Ive done that on a number of occasions. But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. Hes allowed to not want to be a father! Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. Im sorry, but sex creates children. He CHOSE to do that he took that risk because it feels better on his penis without a condom. Part of the agreement was they he was to never have any contact with the child. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. The baby will be due right in the middle of the semester. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. She cant afford a child on her own. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. Ok.you were on a breakhe met some women club and after 2 minutes decided to have sex with her (which people do Im not against a 1 night stand).but he doesnt throw a condom on because shes on the pill (so hes not protected from STDs and he has no verification shes actually using the pill responsibly)..and if that level of irresponsibility isnt enough, he ahem finishes the job inside of her! Considering the fact that I know far more gay guys having sex (and lots more of it, with more partners, too) than I do straight people and I can honestly say none of my good gay friends have ever magically come down with HIV, yet I can name 8 people who against all odd just happened get themselves or their lovers knocked up Seriously. Well he will still have to pay child support. Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. April 9, 2012, 10:00 pm, No, I actually think that of us effectively use condoms Most of the dumb idiots I know that knocked girls up all thought they were safe because they were told all was well, Im on the pill PS. Do you want a man who doesnt want to be in a childs life because it means being with you? You don't say how long you have been together, but there's a reason that you broke up with him then. Pay[ing] for it is responsible, even if its not what the mother of the child, or potentially the child, may initially want. I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. Hi guyssssss,I wanted to share a storytime video with you guys since it has a lot to do with the reason I moved to LA and a lot to do with who I am today!Sid. April 10, 2012, 2:42 pm. female April 10, 2012, 7:31 pm. Mostly for the kid though, I think. Malarky. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. It is time to take a hard honest look at yourself and why you really want to be in a relationship with a man that wants to be with someone else. He says he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, and wants to marry me. You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. It's not that bad (though I'll take an IUD's 0.6%, thanks). There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. Its not anyones fault, theres no one to blame. April 10, 2012, 5:01 pm. That is how we got our first kid. Its always someone elses fault. Is this a valid summary? Im quite late to the discussion, but I took a lot of time reading over the comments, trying to make sense of the two sides of the argument at hand. Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. SweetsAndBeats As far as your relationship with him. bittergaymark So long as he isnt raping people, who are you to say he has no right to have unprotected sex? If the woman is not required to support a child whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. April 9, 2012, 5:57 pm. because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. Women are more easily able to get custody? He didnt marry you. And Im also not passing judgements on him based on my preconceived notions about how the conversations went down. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? Wrong. April 9, 2012, 5:05 pm. Bless your heart. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. I dont know what he told her within those two minutes but obviously it worked cause now yeah. But still a good thing to have. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. I agree with the magically thing. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. Now, I highly doubt the LWs boyfriends baby mother to be is psychotic as my friends former hook up. lets_be_honest Not good enough. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. She wants to abort Jimmys baby. Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. And if so, Im ready. This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. It makes sense that she would do everything she could to convince us that this other woman wanting to keep the child is the worse thing ever because theyre obviously meant to be and this childs existence is a testament to the fact that their (former and/or current) relationship wasnt/isnt perfect. Offset Changes Instagram Avatar to Takeoff Photo After His Death. Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. April 9, 2012, 3:04 pm, Ill continue playing devils advocate here today Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. Because guess what? Thank God for the real men. Theyre eating each other alive, and theyre doing it up hill both ways, in three feet of snow, with no shoes on! Your welcome. He also lowkey blames me because I initiated the breakup. Iwannatalktosampson I dont care. bittergaymark I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. I must be in the minority because oral sex is a regular part of sex btw my husband and I and Id definitely miss it if it wasnt. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. Addie Pray And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. So much that he demanded his interim girlfriend get an abortion. He made his position very clear very early on. Im PRETTY sure you only included this to make yourself sound like a selfless person. This letter is written by someone who wasnt even involved in the conception of the child, so I dont believe there can be an objective reading of the circumstances. Fyrebyrd2 Think of the children. And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. I had no idea. Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? Knowing him for two minutes is not significant at all to a woman who feels that abortion is morally wrong for religious reasons. Most guys will not pass up good sex and they . 2. Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. And how can you be mad at the woman? People in healthy relationships dont say that. Consider that this man is 40 years old, but still immature. His response to my comment was all dont tell me what to do with my body. [The feminist movement died one millisecond after the first impact. It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. Imagine the following scenarios. make sure you use back up protection! And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. Only the fools. iseeshiny Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. I feel like a part of me has died . April 9, 2012, 12:23 pm. If its not easy, opt out of it. Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. Whose idea was it to take a break anyway? I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. Part of the reason I feel no one should be forced to be a parent is that those who are forced to be parents often cause the most lasting damage to the children. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. Chuck Pelto Im lucky that it has worked well for me and Im still childless, especially given the recent breakup and all.
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